Choosing a Spouse: A Decision That Shapes Your World

 

The knowledge of the future lies solely with Allaah, as it is part of the unseen (علم الغيب). Allaah says:

“Say, ‘None in the heavens and earth knows the unseen except Allaah.’”

(Surah An-Naml 27:65, Sahih International)

Allaah allows us to observe patterns and consequences of human decisions, enabling us to predict likely outcomes. One of the most critical decisions we make as adults is choosing who to marry.

Marriage is more than a legal contract; it is a profound companionship. Allaah describes this intimate bond beautifully in the Qur’an:

“They are clothing for you, and you are clothing for them.”

(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:187, Sahih International)

Just as clothing shields, beautifies, and provides comfort, so too should a spouse. This bond is deeply personal, nurturing, and transformative.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) also emphasized the significance of companionship, drawing an analogy:

“The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the one who blows the bellows. The musk seller may give you a gift, you may buy perfume from him, or at least you may enjoy a pleasant smell. As for the one who blows the bellows, he may burn your clothes, or you may get an offensive smell.”

(Sahih al-Bukhari, 2101; Sahih Muslim, 2628)

This concept is widely recognized, even beyond Islamic teachings. Dan Peña, an American businessman, wisely remarked, “Show me your friends, and I will tell you your future.”

 

Marriage: The Most Superior Friendship

Friendship influences beliefs, actions, and ultimately, success or failure. Marriage is a unique and elevated form of friendship, where spouses are not only partners and lovers but ideally, best friends. They work together to fulfill the noble task of raising future generations and helping one another grow spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually.

This partnership involves striving for mutual improvement—whether in earning a livelihood, gaining Islamic knowledge, or contributing to the wider community. A successful marriage thus extends its blessings beyond the home, enriching society as a whole.

But what happens if a spouse is chosen for superficial reasons—such as wealth, beauty, or fame—without considering their character and deen (religion)? The likelihood of individual and collective failure increases.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) provided timeless guidance on this matter:

“A woman is married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So marry the religious woman; you will be successful.”

(Sahih al-Bukhari, 5090; Sahih Muslim, 1466)

Similarly, he instructed:

“If a man whose religion and character please you comes to you [seeking marriage], marry him to your daughter. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth.”

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Majah, 1967)

 

Avoiding Misery Through Wise Choices

Misery in a bad marriage is never far off. When we prioritize fleeting qualities such as social media popularity or material wealth over lasting virtues like piety and good character, we set ourselves up for failure. This may partially explain the alarming rise in divorce rates and unhappy unions.

The Prophet’s wisdom underscores the importance of aligning marital choices with the ultimate goal of achieving success in this life and the hereafter. A righteous spouse brings tranquility, supports you in your deen, and helps you become the best version of yourself.

Save yourself from heartache and turmoil. Choose wisely, dear reader.  The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said:

“This world is temporary joys, and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.”

(Sahih Muslim, 1467)

May Allaah guide us all to spouses who bring us closer to Him and bless our marriages with love, mercy, and lasting happiness. Aameen.

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